Chance

We are reasoning creatures. We strive to know, understand, and make sense of things. The rub is that we live in a world that cannot be made sense of. The unexpected always being thrown our way, and the consistent need to step into the black unknown. The rub feels uncomfortable, frustrating, at its worst, like you're being torn in two. It's also where the magic happens, where trust begins, and at its best, where we truly feel the weight of being alive. A human being forced to rise and fall with the course each of us has laid out.

These paintings are my course of high highs and low lows. Of trying my hardest to stitch together the pieces in front of me and then throwing my hands up in the air in submission to not knowing. Of coming to the conclusion I hardly know anything, taking another step anyway, feeling it completely, and learning to trust.

Paired with a favorite song (Chance) by a favorite artist (Angel Olsen), these paintings visually depict my rub. I hope you see your own in them.

What is it you think I need?
Maybe it's too hard to see
I don't want it all
I've had enough
I don't want it all
I've had a love
Worst feeling I've had is gone
It's gone
I know how it all comes back
I know too well
Now I'm done

I'm leaving once again
Makin' my own plan
I'm not looking for the answer
Or anything that lasts
I just want to see some beauty
Try and understand
If we got to know each other
How rare is that?

All that space in between where we stand
Could be our chance
Could be our chance

I'm walking through the scenes
I'm sayin' all the lines
I wish I could un-see some things that gave me life
I wish I could un-know some things that taught me so
I wish I could believe all that's been promised me

It's hard to say forever love
Forever's just so far
It's hard to say forever love
Forever's just so far
It's hard to say forever love
Forever's just so far
Why don't you say you're with me now
With all of your heart?
With all of your heart?
With all of your heart?

-Chance by Angel Olsen